Commenting

I commented on Cherish's:

quote:
Originally posted by Cherish
Poem From Girls Perspective

I used to love you
All I possibly could
You were perfect, in my eyes
And then you left... I don't understand why
I look at your perfect body
Standing motionlessly by the door
Helpless and confused
You're not the same, anymore I want to tell you what you're doing is wrong
But the hate
Seems to have overcome me
I want you to leave right now
I love you
But I want to see you never again
I was happy
You were happy
We were happy
And I don't understand
Why you had to ruin
What we had I look up at you
To see if you'll give me some kind of clue
But when my eyes reach your face
I don't know what to think
I'm confused
I'm hurt I'm angry
And I'm in love with you

Cherish,
Aside from a punctuation mistake (ahem, "Girls perspective"), your poem was great. It had a fantastically powerful beginning and end, a strong middle, and a good everything-in-between. I really liked your poem because rather than just say "I love you, why'd you leave me?" you told about what she was going through, being confused, loving him but also hating him. It was really interesting to see it from this new perspective.
--Sam

Willy's:

quote:
Originally posted by willy
In responce to the poem

I think that the writer chose an interesting topic to write a poem about. She spoke from her feelings and what her heart said when she met the person she speakes of and when it sounds like she lost the person she speakes of. She tries to explain to the reader why what happened, happened but it becomes vague as she goes on. Some of the poem still confuses me like the part where it says: "Lost, you seemed the only vivid thing in a world made moribund and flat." I don't understand what the rhyme shceme is because I can tell that she is trying to make the end of each line end, but there are some places where she could have used different words to express what she felt and what she saw. One thing that I do not like about this writer is that she talks of the person as perfect, but as you know no one in this world will ever be perfect. I still enjoyed the poem because the writer sends out a message with her poem that is different to everyone of us, we just need to find it. I finish this buy telling you that this writer is very unique and I wiish I was as lucky as she.

Willy,
First of all, I should tell you that I'm pretty sure Daryl Hine was a guy. Okay, now that I've said that, I really liked your response (note the "s" in "response"). It was definitely long enough, because you really described how you felt about the writer. You covered pretty much every aspect of the poem, from its rhythm to its meaning. All in all, you did a really good job.

And Grant's:

quote:
Originally posted by grant

I still don't get what happend
Why did you have to do that
I know you probley regret it
But you will come back soon
How could you say you love me
Then go off with someone else
That really really made me sad
But im sure you don't care
Im starting to get lonely
There is nothing else to do
I hope you can come back
Because I really love you

Grant,
Your poem was great. It was descriptive and detailed. It got into details about how the girl felt, but I think you could have gone into that a little more. Perhaps you could have told about the look she gave him? Aside from some spelling/grammar/puctuation/proofreading etc. mistakes, I like your poem. I think you were right to choose to write it from the girl's point of view.

--Sam